Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
