and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
