do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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