i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
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I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
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Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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