Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
