Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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