i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
