i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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