the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Randomize
