what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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