So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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