I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
