Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
