is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
