This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
