remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
