I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
