I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
