Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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