I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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