I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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