there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
