he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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