Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
