oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
