and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
