Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
