So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
