after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
