Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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