I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
