My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
