Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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