Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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