i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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