This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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