I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
