idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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