Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
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