I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
