I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
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You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
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FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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