Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
What drink are we having for lunch?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
