I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
