HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
