remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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