He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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