Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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