I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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