I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
