I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
