Whod you bang
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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