If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
