My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
only you would photoshop your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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