He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
