Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
the liver wants what the liver wants
My breasts were aching with rage.
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
