I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize