dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
