so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
