omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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