All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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