Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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