That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
