I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
