I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
