Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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