So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
