you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Pants are for mortals
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
