dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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