trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
