I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
