There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
