my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
