my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize