it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
