OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize