At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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