Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
