You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
