I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
