Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
