the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
