my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
how drunk are you?
Several
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
