So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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