Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
