Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize