Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My vagina is officially offended.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
