Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
